I am so excited to host a Guest Post from a wonderfully talented writer, academic and Audacious Mother extraordinaire, Rebecca Leach.  Rebecca is a busy university lecturer by day and a mother to three energetic boys, well… all the time.  It never stops, really.  For all of the mothers (and fathers) who live and love life with children, and come home and work the Second Shift, and the Third Shift and then the Night Shift, this one is for you:

 

5am wake up worrying if there is enough clean uniform

6am wake up again when small child jumps on us

6.45am wake up again, rudely, by alarm

6.46am separate fighting children

6.50am put out breakfast for fighting children

image courtesy of http://www.thefeministwire.com

7am have row with teenager about why he had JUST asked us to get him cooking ingredients for today

7.10am separate fighting children

7.15am rifle through laundry for socks/underpants

7.23am take socks/underpants downstairs, wipe up spilled milk on floor, wipe 5 year olds bottom because arms don’t yet reach

7.25am tell 8 year old for 8th time to stop playing football in the hall and get dressed

7.30am shout at teenager to get out of the shower

7.35am rifle through fridge for packed lunch ingredients

7.40am make packed lunches; including stopping making packed lunches to find other lunch bags since yesterdays are completely covered in juice, smashed crisps and dried ham

7.48am separate fighting children

7.53am wash and refill water bottles

7.55am find snack money, fill in slips for various school trips/permissions

8.00am have further row with teenager because we have OUTRAGEOUSLY washed his PE kit therefore not leaving it in the sweaty heap he left it in necessitating actual LOOKING on his part

8.05am make cup of tea

8.07am remind younger children to wash their face, brush their teeth, brush their hair, ACTUALLY get dressed instead of dancing round the living room naked to ‘I’m sexy and I know it’

8.10am remove one child from bathroom and ensure the other stays put while actually brushing teeth

8.13am reverse previous step above

8.15am take tea bag OUT of cup; pour stewed tea away and start again

8.16am sit down with 5 year old, practice spellings, read reading book (but only on a REALLY good day)

8.20am begin long process of ensuring sufficient coats, gloves and hats are on

8.21am separate fighting children

8.22am wipe face with baby wipes and spray dry shampoo as no time for shower

8.25am do up various zips, tie various shoelaces, find various lost PE kits

8.30am leave house

8.31am return to house, change out of pyjamas 

SCHOOL RUN

8.55am get back from school run, pour 2nd cup of cold tea away, grab biscuit on way to work

9am WORK

4.45pm leave office

4.50pm get home to relieve student who does afternoon school run for us

4.51pm take middle child to football practice

5pm nip to supermarket, do weekly shop

5.45pm drop off shopping, put dinner in oven

6.15pm back to watch last bit of football practice

7pm drop child’s friend off

7.10pm late quick dinner cooked by Other Half

7.30pm separate fighting children

7.45pm run kids bath

7.48pm look at laundry monster.

7.49pm decide laundry monster is too big to be tackled now, rifle through for tomorrow’s uniform and wash that

8pm help middle child with homework

8.15pm read stories and sing songs to settle younger child who is afraid of the dark

8.20pm try not to shout at teenager who has decided now would be a good time to engage you in conversation in the younger kids’ bedroom about why he can’t go to bed at a NORMAL time like all his friends

8.25pm tiptoe out of the room hoping they’re asleep

8.26pm walk back in the room as middle child has just scared younger child wide awake

9pm finally creep out of bedroom

9.05pm load dishwasher

9.10pm put laundry in drier

9.15pm sit on sofa with marking

9.25pm cuddle middle child who has come downstairs having had a bad dream

9.35pm send middle child back to bed

9.45pm put youngest child back to bed, having been woken up by disturbed middle child

9.50pm respond to teenager’s IMMEDIATE need for a green pen, made from the blood of Patagonian bats harvested by a full moon with a Mongolian bamboo scythe…

9.53pm return to sofa and box of marking. Look intently at top of pile…

9.55pm open bottle of wine

9.59pm get gently woken by husband suggesting you sleep in bed and not on the sofa?

10pm knock back glass of wine on way upstairs

10.01pm enter brief coma

11.30pm wake up to strange buzzing noise.

11.31pm get up and remind teenager that using the hairdryer right now is not really appropriate. Nor is doing so while playing keepy-uppy with a balloon and knocking over piles of stuff in his bedroom.

11.35pm remember laundry in drier. Stand in freezing utility shaking it out to prevent having to iron it.

11.50pm go back to bed, too wired with worrying about work things you haven’t finished

12.50am finally fall asleep with help of hypnosis programme on phone

1am find Calpol for middle child with headache

2am clean up Calpol coloured sick and make up new bed for middle child in our room

3am change bedding for younger child who forgot to go for a wee before bed

4am remind middle child that although he’s feeling MUCH better, no he can’t go downstairs now and play on Lego Star Wars even if school will make him stay home tomorrow.

5am wake up wondering if there’s any clean uniform AND worrying if perhaps you might have an old version of the lecture you have to deliver at 10am and if not… And wondering how you and other half are going to manage compulsory child sick day while both teaching at the same time…

Repeat daily. Variations include weekends and, er, “holidays”, when the amount of ferrying, entertainment-demanding, fighting-separation and feeding increases exponentially.

Just sayin’.

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