This morning as I was changing Jago’s nappy it occurred to me that he will soon be a year old. This has been such a hard year – two kids in 15 months, plus two older kids (one with ASD), and a house and all that entails….well, I am not ashamed to admit that it has nearly bested me.

But not quite.

My Last

I am now quite certain I want no more.  That is a huge step as I have longed for another daughter and I now accept this is not to be.  I am happy with the one I’ve been blessed with and her four brothers.

So I am ready to back away all things baby and move on to simply raising my tribe of little people. My time for having babies is – at last – done.

Recently, a friend debated whether to have another child.  Her husband said now or never.  With two children, the youngest of whom is not yet two, she wondered if now was the right time.  She has just started a business and is still young – biologically she still has oodles of time.  But was Now the right time to add another to her tribe?

And it occurred to me that one day my own kids may wonder the same.  Whatever their journey to parenthood, they may wonder if the time is right to start or expand their family.

My journey into motherhood was hardly auspicious – young, single, still in school, still very young and immature. Looking back on it all, I realized that if nothing else, the long and often broken road I’ve traveled has provided me with some insights, and, if I am lucky, a bit of wisdom, too:

On Having (More) Children:

I’ve had em young and I’ve had em old.

I’ve had big gaps, medium gaps and “holy shit we only did it once!” gaps.

I’ve been a single mama, a working mama, a SAH mama, and a going to school mama.

I’ve had babies when I’ve had plenty of money and babies when I knew not how my next dime would come.

I’ve had babymoons and nights so dark and depressing I thought I’d never see the light of day.

Being a mama hurts!

It tests you and sometimes it bests you.

But I would not give back a single one of my brood. They are my heart, my soul, my future. They are everything. I know you will feel the same.

There is never a right or a wrong time. There is just now. What do you want now? The only question you need to answer is do you want to?

If you do then everything else will fall into place -

Maybe not where you expected, but the Universe will help you find a way.

You have friends and family to help you pick up the slack.

So. Do nothing today. Listen to your heart.

Then follow it.

 

When did you know that you were done having children?

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